So, I was re-watching “The Pursuit of Happiness” on a lazy Sunday Afternoon not wanting to involve my brain in learning something new that day. But a conversation between Will Smith and his son caught my attention this time.
The father and son were out playing basketball one fine day and father discouraged his son by saying that he can never be good at this particular sport as he himself was below average playing that .The child was disheartened but then his father motivated him saying that,
“You got a dream… You gotta protect it. People can’t do somethin’ themselves, they wanna tell you you can’t do it. If you want somethin’, go get it. Period.”
That very instance made me realize that how crucial it is for parents to effectively communicate with their children even in times of distress.
Look, I am not an expert in effective communication with my child and sometimes yell at them out of frustration. But slowly, I have realized that it is my obligation to learn new age ideas about effective parenting and do the best for my children.
Additionally, I also researched on some of the ancient scriptures and holy books such as Gita(Hinduism), Bible(Christianity),Quran(Islam),Guru Granth Sahib (Sikhi) which emphasizes on effective communication and it is best if you inculcate some of these holy books teachings in your life to have an effective communication with your children.
Some tips on having an effective communication with your children along with examples from some of the ancient texts:
Speak with kindness and compassion
It is important to use a gentle tone of voice and to avoid harsh or critical language when speaking to children.
Example from Ramayana
In the Ramayana, when Rama discovers that his twin sons Lava and Kusha have been living in the forest with their mother Sita, he speaks to them with kindness and respect. He acknowledges them as his sons and invites them to return to Ayodhya with him. Rama’s loving and respectful communication with his sons helps to heal the wounds caused by Sita’s abduction and restore his family’s honor.
In this example, Lord Rama speaks to his children with kindness and respect, acknowledging their worth and treating them as valued members of society. This story demonstrate the importance of speaking to children with kindness and respect, as it helps to build their confidence, self-esteem, and sense of belonging in the world.
Using clear and simple language
Children understand better when they are spoken to in simple and clear language that they can easily comprehend. Use age-appropriate language and avoid using complicated vocabulary.
Example from Bhagavad Gita
An example of using clear and simple language in a holy book is found in the Bhagavad Gita, in which Lord Krishna explains the concept of yoga to his disciple Arjuna in a clear and concise manner. For instance, in Chapter 6, Verse 10, Lord Krishna says:
“Performing one’s prescribed duties, O Arjuna, is better than not doing them. For doing one’s prescribed duties is obligatory, and not doing them is not praiseworthy.”
In this verse, Lord Krishna uses simple and straightforward language to explain the importance of fulfilling one’s duties, emphasizing that it is better to do one’s work than to avoid it. This example demonstrates the use of clear and simple language to convey a complex idea in a way that is easy to understand. It also highlights the importance of using language that is accessible to all, regardless of their level of education or understanding, in order to effectively communicate important teachings and ideas.
Active listening
It’s important to listen actively to children when they talk. This means giving them your full attention, maintaining eye contact, and showing interest in what they are saying.
Example from Guru Granth Sahib
One example of active listening to children’s talk in Guru Granth Sahib is in the following verse:
“O Nanak, the Lord listens to the prayer of the heart; He knows what is in the mind of the child. If the child is not heard, he cries out louder; If he is not given what he wants, he throws a tantrum. If the Lord is not pleased with a man’s devotion, his mind wanders in all directions.” (Guru Granth Sahib, 309)
This verse emphasizes the importance of actively listening to the needs and desires of children, as they may express themselves in different ways. It suggests that if a child’s needs are not met, they may become more vocal and demanding, and that it is important to pay attention to what they are saying and feeling. Additionally, the verse suggests that the Lord is always listening to the prayers of the heart, indicating that it is important to be attentive and empathetic towards children in order to establish strong relationships.
This example highlights the importance of active listening and empathy in building strong relationships with children, as well as the belief in Guru Granth Sahib that the Lord is always attentive to the needs and desires of children. By listening and responding to children in a compassionate and attentive manner, adults can help them to feel seen and heard, and to develop a sense of trust and security.
Positive reinforcement
Praising and affirming children when they do something positive can help to reinforce good behavior. For example, “You did a great job on your school project!” or “I am proud of you for being honest.”
Example from Mahabharata
One example of praising and affirming children in Hindu mythology is the story of Abhimanyu in the Mahabharata. Abhimanyu was the son of Arjuna, one of the Pandavas, and Subhadra, Krishna’s sister. When Abhimanyu was still in his mother’s womb, Krishna came to visit her and began to describe the strategy of how to penetrate the Chakravyuha, a complex battle formation. However, Subhadra fell asleep before Krishna could complete his explanation. As a result, Abhimanyu only learned how to enter the formation, but not how to exit it.
Years later, during the Mahabharata war, the Kauravas formed the Chakravyuha and Abhimanyu entered it, successfully fighting off many warriors. However, he did not know how to exit the formation and was eventually killed.
Even though Abhimanyu did not survive the battle, his bravery and skills were praised and affirmed by his family and allies. In fact, Krishna himself called Abhimanyu “the greatest warrior of his time”
This story highlights the importance of praising and affirming children for their strengths and talents, even if they do not succeed in every endeavor. By recognizing and acknowledging their efforts, children are encouraged to continue to develop their skills and talents, and to persevere through challenges. This is one of the major point to remember on “How to communicate effectively with children?”
Asking open-ended questions
Instead of asking closed-ended questions that only require a yes or no answer, ask open-ended questions that encourage children to share their thoughts and feelings. For example, “What did you like about school today?” instead of “Did you have a good day at school?”
Example from Bible
There is an instance in Bible when Jesus encounters a blind man named Bartimaeus on the side of the road. When Bartimaeus hears that Jesus is passing by, he cries out, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!” Jesus then responds by asking him an open-ended question:
“What do you want me to do for you?” Jesus asked him.
By asking Bartimaeus what he wants, Jesus opens up a space for Bartimaeus to express his desires and needs. This question empowers Bartimaeus and allows him to share his thoughts and feelings with Jesus, which helps build a deeper connection and understanding between them.
This is one of the most ignored point by parents when it comes on “How to communicate effectively with children?”
Use non-blaming approach
Instead of using accusatory language that may make children feel defensive, use “I” statements that express your feelings without blaming the child. For example, “I feel frustrated when you don’t clean up your toys” instead of “You always make a mess!”
Example from Ramayana
One such example can be found in the story of Lord Rama and his relationship with his brother, Bharata, in the Hindu epic Ramayana.
After Lord Rama is exiled to the forest, his brother Bharata is asked to take the throne in his absence. However, Bharata refuses and instead goes to the forest to ask Lord Rama to return and rule the kingdom. When he meets Lord Rama, he does not blame him for causing their father’s death or for the troubles that have befallen the kingdom. Instead, he respectfully asks Lord Rama to take his rightful place as king and fulfill his duty to the people.
This approach of not blaming Lord Rama for the situation, but rather appealing to his sense of duty and responsibility, is a prime example of effective communication in Hinduism. It demonstrates how a non-blaming and respectful approach can lead to a positive outcome and foster a strong and supportive relationship between family members.
Validating their feelings
Let children know that it’s okay to feel their emotions and validate their feelings. For example, “I understand that you feel sad right now, it’s okay to cry.”
Example from Bible
An example of validating children’s feelings in the Bible is found in the book of Psalms, where many of the psalms express a range of emotions and feelings. For instance, in Psalm 22:24, it says:
“For he has not despised or scorned the suffering of the afflicted one; he has not hidden his face from him but has listened to his cry for help.”
This verse emphasizes that God listens to the cries of those who are suffering and does not ignore their pain. It shows a validation of the feelings of the afflicted, indicating that it is important to acknowledge and recognize the emotions of others, especially when they are experiencing distress or hardship. This example demonstrates the importance of validating children’s feelings and emotions, as it can help them feel seen and heard, and provide a sense of comfort and support in times of difficulty.
Conclusion
Always try to take learnings from our holy books and scriptures which emphasizes on how to communicate effectively with children? I know inculcating these practices take their own time and most of the times you will definitely forget this . But come back to this article again and remember the takeaways for an effective communication from here. Trust me, you will definitely appreciate the importance of listening to your children and understanding their needs and emotions . This will help them to pursue their dreams along with building a strong relationship with you.